We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
