Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
