It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Randomize
