my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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