I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
