I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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