our cab driver is having phone sex.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
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Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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