Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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