Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
