Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
vagina is talking i cant
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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