I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
