oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
