Moan for me like Helen Keller
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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