Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
