I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
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DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
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How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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