and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
