Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
