i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
