Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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