Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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