wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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