he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
