ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
