these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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