The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just pynch a tree in the face
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
