Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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