i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
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