"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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