I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
