so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
