Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
