im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
