I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
