I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
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He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
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Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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