Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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