How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
