i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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