You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Terrible idea I love it
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
