I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
