I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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