The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
