I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
