i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
