I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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