you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
