Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
