My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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