Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
