yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
