The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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