Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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