ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
