Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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