You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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