Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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